Rewire for fulfillment

 The first pages of "Wired to Create" are already a permission to be myself. A dissection of a Canadian rapper that I've never heard of (not surprising, since the world has an overwhelming number of successful and inspiring people, and sometimes I choose simply to ignore that to avoid feeling the pressure of tardy self-realization) gave me a warm feeling of instant assurance of what I've been struggling to understand, analyze and accept in myself for years. He is a happy example of contradictions of personality, loner and attention whore, fond of flings while strongly capable to long-term relationships, etc. People like that exist. They are not unicorns.

There is a tribe. The tribe where some are more adapted to embrace what they are without judgement, immersing themselves in whatever process they choose to, thus unequivocally arriving to results, practicing like a religion self-realization. Others try to fight, adjust, blend in, question endlessly - to become hopelessly frustrated and start losing the light that their opposing forces spark in them.

I am not alone. This simple confirmation found on a pages of a book brings tears to my eyes. Tears of gratitude and relief. A permission to be myself - plentifully contradictory and gloriously inspired.
I am seemingly unproductive sets of oxymoron - the more I tried to make sense and compartmentalize, the less constructive it became. The more anxious and guilty I felt to be inefficiently multifaceted, adamantly and at times fleetingly interested in everything,

I am the whole spectrum. Instead of forcing Big Radical Clarities that are supposed to shine on my path, I accept my Small Unsettled Clarities, however temporary and temperamental they may be. Like rambunctious children that I care for deeply, I round them up and hug them tightly.

This year, I've been extremely fond of the idea of experimenting things for 1 month. It is a perfect combination of freedom and direction. I choose to accept myself fully and gently, for one month. Stop requiring answers, unwavering resolutions and definitions. Give the analytical, ruthlessly disciplinary brain a break, and channel all that energy in playfulness, joy and exploration. I choose not to judge my unprocessed process.

Amazing things happen when we admit to what we are. Amazing things happen when we find that we're not alone.